Mi pico

Lately, I've noticed that you've seemed to feel better
and that makes me happy, truly happy.
As well as sad, because I feel left behind.

Everybody seems to be getting on,
moving forwards,
feeling better
being better people

but I'm not.
I'm stuck at this point
this peak
El pico

where I can see
the good disapearing behind me
and infront of me,
it just keeps going down
downwards
to situations far worse
than I've ever experienced

And I don't know what to do
where to go
what to say
becuase I can't seem
to keep those important to me
first, I lost the love of my life
the only person
that I've ever truly loved
ever really trusted

a person, that I thought
I could really be with forever
a person that,
although all the crap
that I've gone through
I didn't believe that I deserved

Then, I lost my best friend
one of the three people
that have kept me going
kept my hope
about this world,
this life.

And I know that some people,
will be mad about this,
I know that you believe that
I just want to be a martyre,
but that's not it.

I don't want to torture you
or make you feel bad
this is just the way I feel
but believe me, I don't want to feel this way
I don't want to feel left behind,
or like I'm left out of the group of friends that I have
because I know that I'm not..
not really..
it's just the way I feel

and I HATE it!
right now, what I hate most in this world
is me..